Team Infirmary

Pro Tip Thursday: 12.29.16

Nothing says the holidays like eating your bodyweight in foods you really don't care about just because you're bored. I use that apathetic energy, bloat, and self loathing to create more Team Infirmary Pro Tip videos for all you strength and conditioning, powerlifting, and olympic weightlifting nerds out there.

Enjoy the last two week's worth of videos (I know you probably missed last week's while you were preparing your body for stale popcorn and brownies) below.

Spoiler alert: this week's compilation (12.29.16) has me dancing and singing. And trying on homecoming dresses.

In case you missed last week's Team Infirmary Pro Tip mashup because you were busy stuffing your face and waiting on Santa, check it out above.


This week's compilation of Pro Tips for all powerlifters, olympic lifters, and sports performance connoisseurs. 


New videos are uploaded daily in my Instagram story (@sheppardstrength) but I put some extras into the YouTube channel to reward you sad, souls who plow through them. I'm kidding, you aren't sad. You are actually validating my existence.

Post your own videos online, tag me, and use #TeamInfirmary so I can see them.

Is this a subject you need advice on and want to hear my Pro Tip about it? Comment below or shoot me a message so we can address it this week.

Pro Tip Thursday: 12.15.16

I know this is the only reason you guys follow me. This week's Team Infirmary compilation is live on the YouTube channel and below for your viewing pleasure. If you're at work keep the snorting to a minimum.

Every day I post a new "tip" on my Instagram story which usually isn't a tip at all, references feeling dead inside, or features my catdog being weird.

Each Thursday I compile the previous week's Tips and will be posting them here (and on my YouTube channel).


What did you think of the tips? Were any helpful? Did some jokes fall flat? Comment here, on facebook, or on the YouTube video and let us know.

Join in on the fun and make your own Pro Tip videos! Tag us @sheppardstrength and #TeamInfirmary so we can see them on Instagram. Friend us on facebook and tag us there too so we can make sure we see them.

Maybe we'll repost some of them in a compilation video next week.

Have any questions? You can always message us. If you watched the video you can see we clearly have no life.

Pro Tip Thursday: 12.08.16

I've been injured for a few months so I decided to poke fun of myself and internet "fitness gurus". I created "Team Infirmary" as a joke--it doesn't actually exist in real life....just in injured folks' hearts.

Member Of Team Infirmary Since 2008 When A Van Ran Me Over And I Had An Eating Disorder

Member Of Team Infirmary Since 2008 When A Van Ran Me Over And I Had An Eating Disorder

Every day I post a new "tip" on my Instagram story which usually isn't a tip at all, references feeling dead inside, or features my catdog being weird.

Each Thursday I compile the previous week's Tips and will be posting them here (and on my YouTube channel).

Enjoy!



What did you think of the tips? Were any helpful? Did some jokes fall flat? Comment here, on facebook, or on the YouTube video and let us know.

Join in on the fun and make your own Pro Tip videos! Tag us @sheppardstrength and #TeamInfirmary so we can see them on Instagram. Friend us on facebook and tag us there too so we can make sure we see them.

Maybe we'll repost some of them in a compilation video next week.

Have any questions? You can always message us. If you watched the video you can see we clearly have no life.

Tuesday Ten: Meet Essentials

Every Tuesday I'll be channeling my inner David Letterman with a Top 10 List for the "Tuesday Ten" blog post. Will it be exercises, recipes, lifters? Maybe my favorite memes? Only time will tell.

Top 10 Meet Essentials

"Gee, Amber. You really broke the mold on this one. What a cliche topic to write about..."

Look here, Sassy Pants. Those other lists didn't have the self deprecating, comedy gems Amber's list is about to throw at you.

So sit back, relax, and eye roll so hard you strain your retinas.

1. Waffle House Grilled Chicken and a Waffle

Why? There's a Waffle House (or it's step-brother equivalent Huddle House) almost everywhere so no matter where your meet is, you'll always be able to find one for your post weigh-in meal. What's even better is the waiter/waitress will think you're insane for ordering the chicken. But trust me, it's a life changer. #BlessedBeThyChicken

2. Reese's Fastbreak

No. Not a Reese's Cup. That's too much work to peel off the paper. Save your digits for that PR you're about to hit. Get the giant Fastbreak and thank me later.

3. Your Obnoxious Singlet

I have a Space Galaxy Dance Biketard. Don't snicker at me, that's what unitards with legs on them are called. $30 from dance stores. Suck it Adidas (just kidding!)

Fun fact: I actually bring an extra singlet with me to every meet just in case something happens. I actually even bring one when I'm coaching just in case my athlete forgets theirs after 7,890 reminders from me. I've let folks borrow a singlet at a meet I've been at before too.

4. Your Team Shirt

If you belong to a team, then bring your Team shirt for Introductions and lifting. If you're lucky enough to medal wear it on the podium.

If you belong to a Team and wear another company or gym's shirt then you just slapped your team, coaches, and team mates in the face. UNLESS you are under sponsorship obligations.

5. Your ID

You aren't famous. No one knows, or cares, who you are. Especially the weigh in official. Bring your ID with you. And don't get uppity if someone asks you for it; you aren't a special snowflake. Rules are rules.

6. Extra Set Of Clothes

If you're at a meet, then chances are you're going to sweat. If you don't we need to talk and you may need to a trained doctor to see what is going on with your body. But you'll sweat. Bring clothes (including your unmentionables) to change into you if you aren't going home after the event so your significant other doesn't disown you.

7. Headphones

No one wants to hear your music. It probably sucks. Bring headphones. The bigger the better. It tells the other lifters you hate yourself.

8. A Good Attitude

Have fun. Make lifts. Some folks take their meets so seriously. Don't get me wrong: be focused. But on meet day don't be a d**k to everyone. Don't yell at the officials or volunteers. Smile and be merry.

9. Your Attempt Selections

Have your openers ready to go at weigh ins (in pounds or kilos dependent on the federation). Have your warm ups and 2nd/3rd attempt plan written down ahead of time.

10. Your Dog

Check with the gym and event director on this before you do it. There's nothing magical about this but if I happen to be at your event, then I would want to pet it. Bring me all the puppies and I'm sure you will PR.


Did you agree with this list? Disagree? Comment below and let me have it either way. Want to hear about a certain topic next week? Let me know here or send me an email!

Stay tuned for tomorrow's Wordless Wednesday... or go back in the Blog and check out older pieces. You can always mosey on over to the Archives to read my nationally published articles too.

Follow me on Instagram @sheppardstrength to see more comedic gems and the occasional training video.

5 Ways An Injury Makes You A Better Person

I can hear y'all now: "Amber, how much booze did you consume on Thanksgiving to say that?" Answer: none. I'm just incredibly delusional and insane from only squatting and benching the last six months.

Whatchu Know 'Bout Injuries, Amber?

In all seriousness, if you've been in the sports world for any extended amount of time you're going to suffer an injury. When you've been in the game 14 years, you may or may not have suffered quite a few.

  • Premature birth meant my shoulder bones didn't fuse all the way together and BAM! lots of dislocations and separations before I got it under control.
  • Exercise bulimia caused me to run 7 days a week and left me with 4 bulged discs that sidelined me for 10 months before the pain ceased.
  • Being a nerd studying for the Bar exam in 2015 caused me to develop a nasty desk slouch that has wrecked my subscap/neck, and trap...and forced me to only squat, bench, and act like I enjoy cardio the last six months while we fix it.

5 Ways An Injury Makes You A Better Person

1. You Actually Do Preventative Maintenance

Yea, yea. We know we're supposed to always stretch, mobilize, and see the chiropractor or massage therapist even when we aren't injured. You know-- to PREVENT injuries. But most of us are lazy creatures and don't do what we're supposed to (maybe I'm just projecting?). If the dentist can't convince you to floss regularly then it's safe to say your coach or healthcare providers may not be successful in getting you to do XYZ.

But when you're injured all of a sudden everything they say suddenly sinks in and you become Mr. Mobility. After you're healed up, you'll never want to suffer that injury again so you'll actually keep doing those stretches and drills.

 

2. You Promote Your Local Economy

This goes hand in hand with number 1. You actually set and KEEP appointments with your coach, massage therapist, chiropractor, acupuncturist, nutritionist, and whoever else you run to to heal your broken soul during an injury.

You may even keep the local ice cream parlor or coffee shop in business.

 

Regardless, you are the reason your town is thriving. Way to go! You are truly a god among mere mortals.

 

3. You Volunteer More

Or you should. If you're injured and can't compete, then I fully expect your butt to be in a chair, at a table, or helping coach at local (and national) meets. Seriously. You aren't dead to the community just because you can't snatch for the time being. Well, you may be dead to me but it isn't because you can't lift. It's just because I'm a jerk.

But seriously. If you don't volunteer for your organization, then you can't complain about anything. Even your injury. Ok, that isn't true, but just don't be a s**t human being. Our federations run on volunteers so give back even if it's for one session.

Jill Of All Trades at the first USAW meet on the Mississippi Gulfcoast, The GPX Open Presented By  Mississippi Barbell .

Jill Of All Trades at the first USAW meet on the Mississippi Gulfcoast, The GPX Open Presented By Mississippi Barbell.

 

Trust me, if I'm having to announce, do cards, side judge, and tell the loaders what color plates go on the bar, and I see you Instagramming in the crowd, I will despise you and probably call you out on the mic. Don't even try to tell me "You must be a horrible meet director for having to do all of those jobs at once." You try and grow a nonexistent sport in a state that never had it and get back to me. SOAPBOX SALLY.

4. You Get A Life

Hopefully you already had one. But 9/10, an athlete doesn't have one outside the gym. Then when they get injured they have an existential crisis and spend hundreds on counseling..... Wait, was that just younger Amber? Awkward.....

When you're injured you may start to try new activities you never had time for before. Reading, socializing (lololol what's that), trying new exercises that don't hurt you, cooking...whatever you kept avoiding. Maybe you even go on dates and look like a human. But as Shrek's Cousin, I wouldn't be able to advise you on that. HEY OH!

Shrek's Cousin washed her hair, went to Vegas, and saw Celine Dion like a 78 year old woman but hey--it still counts as a life.

Shrek's Cousin washed her hair, went to Vegas, and saw Celine Dion like a 78 year old woman but hey--it still counts as a life.

 

You could actually buy a suit and step back into the courtroom like a real attorney. Your parents will be really proud of you even if you have linebacker shoulders and have to have everything tailored.

5. You Create Hilarious Videos

This one is specific to me and I'm 99.99% sure I'm the only one who laughs at them but I needed another item on the list. And a way to shamelessly promote myself.

Enter: Team Infirmary Pro Tips. What started as a one time goof on an Instagram story has turned into daily therapy sessions for me. I just like to be as dark, troll-like, and hilarious as possible. Even when I'm healed I will forever be on Team Infirmary.

 

If you want to join me during your injury, post your own Team Infirmary Pro Tips on Instagram! Tag @sheppardstrength and #TeamInfirmary so I can see them. Fuel my ego and give me something to look at while I drink a glass of my own tears.

I post a new Tip daily @sheppardstrength on Instagram and combine a week's worth every Thursday for Pro Tip Thursday (on Instagram and Facebook). Add me as a friend so you don't miss out!


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